I Took A Shower

All 3 of my children are at school today. It was the first day of Pre-k for my youngest. I had prepared him for this day. We all have been talking about "going to school" for a few weeks now to help prepare him. Nobody prepared me for what I was going to expect being at home with no children to tend to.

I took a shower. It was needed. Not in the way that someone often thinks of needing a shower. I took a shower and it gave me a sense of renewal. No one would interrupt me. No one would be joining me. I did't feel rushed. I didn't worry what the kids would be doing. I can't remember the last time I took a shower in this way.

It was theraputic. I allowed myself to be present in that moment. I took a breath. I took another. I just breathed. I felt the water. I made it hotter than normal because I didn't have a small child at my feet playing cars. I felt the water run over me. I breathed.

I thought about motherhood. I thought about how I use showers to calm down. When my babies were weeks and months old, I often brought my baby into the shower with me and laid them across my lap. The instant I did this, I could see my daughter in particular relax. It was a beautiful bonding memory I have of her. Skin to skin and relaxed. I was thankful for how water could comfort us both. I could breastfeed and leak milk without worry. All the yummy oxytocin.